Leverage on distinctiveness

Missed a moment in the search for my surroundings where my tongue was kept busy and didn’t form the word, since it surroundings were so meek compared to the thing that kept me busy. Which was nothing, nothing at all one could judge. But then i was also almost in tears, and the last time that happened was not so long ago, and then they came. And the surroundings changed while I was walking, still I thought it’s been some time I’ve been here, something kept me busy and took my solitude. It – took the shape of my surroundings – shadows of trees over which i was walking – while on the side the rows of large trees in sunlight and it’s pebbled path. What the earth blew to me were that there’s no real distinction saying to nature, it’s in his nature, I mean, distinction is it’s nature for the blue of the horizon caught by my eyes in search for my surroundings in my blue light that took my solitude. I have been taught to distinguish a plant from a tree, both leaves and flowers follow single leaves to connect where the branche begins. But distinctiveness is in it’s nature. Some would be higher up than others, but this would disappear when you think the plant feeds itself with the sunlight.

Because my trouble had no real distinctions and it bothered me that it could somehow be in a dangerous equilibrium, still taking my solitude. Of which i can only be resentful – supposed necessary. How mean to ask ‘what do they say’ better is to question; ‘do you hear anything at all?’ and then; ‘describe your delusion.’

Having no real distinctions is what obtains in the soul. We always lose something when we search for it in language.

Virginia Woolf: “Beyond the difficulty of communicating oneself, there is the supreme difficulty of being oneself. The soul, or life within us, by no means agrees with the life outside us. If one has the courage to ask her what she thinks, she is always saying the very opposite to what other people say.” seen M.P.

This shines a different light upon the living look in society. Whereas i’m mainly suggesting the self and the self in a certain situation upon which sometimes that societal look lacks because of a mutual dependency. To what i’m thinking it’s not just eaten and be eaten. Some people would believe you can only be eaten when you’re defeated, others believe that’s the reason. With psychosis people claim a major importance on what happens in the inside world and in the outside world. However this supposed control i think only puts under custody in relation to what other people can suddenly say to gain control. What should not be the point.

He stands real close to the window like a statue. Wearing a t-shirt and his arms loosely next to his torso. His glasses almost reach the glass. I see him and i know that he can see me. Some dark winter a similar thing happened too. I was hot and excited then. These men appear to me as if in a movie. Which is pretty awesome because i’m nuts.